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He watched BET, he listened to Black talk radio, and he rented every Black movie ever made so he could claim expertise on Blackness. His motives might have been pure except for the fact that he wasn't even capable of seeing Black women as human beings but merely things to satisfy his perversions. He became a self-proclaimed, liberal, reformed racist who insisted that he was atoning for the sins of all white men, past and present, and righting the wrongs of slavery by being submissive to Black women. In phase two of his awakening, he had a grand epiphany whereby he decided he was sensitive to the Black race.
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Immediately after taunting anyone and everyone who expressed even the slightest outrage, disbelief, or anger at his psychotic rants, he would log on to one of the numerous pay sites he subscribed to and download videos of white women being fucked by Black men in every orifice so he could jerk off. He took pleasure in his anonymous rants of degrading Black men for being bad fathers, for all being illiterate rappers, and he always seemed to find a way to espouse racist, hateful beliefs that made white men seem inherently and naturally superior. He would go to Black blogs and forums and protest that size didn't matter and Black men did not, in fact, have bigger cocks, that it was all just a myth. Of course, all that internal dialogue was drowned out while he was masturbating furiously for hours on end to image after image of white women screaming in pleasure and pain while having the sex of their lives with Black men. He would watch in disgust at the videos of men endowed with equipment that made his tiny penis look infantile in comparison and seethe in anger, proclaiming how he hated Black men for being lazy, ignorant, criminal, and nothing more than savages. Initially, he was outraged and angered by Black men and their enormous cocks fucking white women. He began feeling uncomfortable with his identity, with his whiteness, with the advent of interracial porn. He felt he was the sun, the chosen son, around whom all the world had an obligation to rotate. He treated people as objects to use and didn't give a damn who was hurt, used, or annoyed in the process. Lying was his first nature, he could construct a tale of deceit without so much as the blink of an eye, all to make himself seem more important or to perpetuate an image of his false sense of superiority. In his delusional mind, the universe owed him an apology for his height and he compensated for it by singing "Woe is me," every chance he got- the 12" extended, remix, house music version.
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He suffered from narcissism extraordinaire. Whiteness was his disease, magnified by a Napoleonic complex of huge proportions given his height of 5'1". Had he been a bit more self-aware, a bit more introspective, he could have accurately described his self-hatred as stemming from his inherent need to feel superior. He wasn't able to articulate it exactly in that way he claimed to be coming to terms with his submissive nature and his overwhelming desire to serve the Black race.